You are that one person I just want to do everything nasty to.

The sex is fantastic, but only with a soul mate, it is insane. Thanks for giving me this feeling.

Having a Jeep is like having herpes. Sure it will act up from time to time. But, you will never get rid of it.

Stop being so nice in bed. Tell me what to do. Talk dirty. Play rough.

No, Akito, I’m not testing you. Don’t you understand? Haven’t you figured out why I slept with Ren? I did it because you slept with

Yeah, is it? Funny how you waltzed right out of here without even putting up a fight, then. You wanted to go from the beginning!

Ren, who else? How dare you. How dare you sleep with her!

Well, you did sleep with her.

Find the stimulating part of me. Push me beyond all boundaries. Let us explore together so we can reach the depths we both want forever.

I’m playing with myself right now! When are you coming home? How many rhythmic muscular contractions do you think you can give me tonight? I’m going to scream so loud tonight.

Can you get off early today? I need to see you. In our bed. Naked. Right now.

What turns me on? You.

I can make you shut up, but you might moan a little.

Pelt you wet kisses on my back, bite my thighs, lick my neck, hold me with all the face you got and get me wanting you more.

I’ve always been a modest girl, but when I see you, I want to do bad things with you.

The most productive thing I’ve done today is dreaming about you naked.

Sex with you is just like money – even too much isn’t enough.

I want you in my bed and between my legs.

She’s the only girl I slept with. I don’t know. Even though we fought, like, ninety-four percent of the time, I’m really sad.

Think you could stop by this morning? I had some really hot dreams. I’d like to act out.

Actually, let’s leave it up to me… I had the wildest dream last night… it was about you. I just thought of a new position that I desperately want to try with you.

Kissing your body, feeling your booty and doing nasty things with you is everything I can dream of.

The time came to put Iris Duarte back on the plane. It was a morning flight which made it difficult. I was used to rising at noon; it was a fine cure for hangovers and would add 5 years to my life. I felt no sadness while driving her to L.A. International. The sex had been fine; there had been laughter. I could hardly remember a more civilized time, neither of us making any demands, yet there had been warmth, it had not been without feeling, dead meat coupled with dead meat. I detested that type of swinging, the Los Angeles, Hollywood, Bel Air, Malibu, Laguna Beach kind of sex.

Lydia came back to bed. We didn’t kiss each other. We weren’t going to have sex. I felt weary. I listened to the crickets. I don’t know how much time went by. I was almost asleep, not quite, when Lydia suddenly sat straight up in bed. And she screamed. It was a loud scream.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Be quiet.”
I waited. Lydia sat there without moving, for what seemed to be about ten minutes. Then she fell back on her pillow.
“I saw God,” she said, “I just saw God.”
“Listen, you bitch, you are going to drive me crazy!”

Give me another taste. I bought some handcuffs and a blindfold. Should I put them on you or me?

When it’s so good, you’re shaking.

I will hold you close and do naughty things to you in the most craziest way.

Remember that I will always be by your side. Or on top of you. Or under you. It’s your call to make.

Oh, you like sleeping? Me too! We should do it together sometime.

I want you to discover my body with your tongue.

Morning, babe. I really wish I were there to give you a proper wake-up call if you know what I mean.

I have a naughty surprise for you later.

Good morning baby. Just wanted to say I hope your day is amazing – but not as amazing as tonight is going to be.

A good morning would involve you having me for breakfast… but since I’m not there, my text message will have to do.

I hope your morning workout doesn’t have you as sweaty as you were last night. Good morning and stay hydrated!

I’m going to have a good time in the shower this morning thinking about what we were doing last night! I love you!

What are you having for breakfast this morning? I know something that can be your dessert… Good morning my boo.

If it’s true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!

Let’s play Titanic, you’ll be the ocean and I’ll go down on you.

Be naked when I come home.

I want you to scatter my bed sheets with me.

I will make sure I driver harder and get you shaking all over. I’m that bad!

Please bite my shoulders and lick my ears so I could moan so loudly.

A weekend with you. In bed. Now that would be absolutely amazing.

I can fall madly in bed with you because you are so sexy, that you can’t be ignored.

Kiss my neck, bite me, pull my hair, trace my spine, and hold me down.

Endorphins make us happier. Both chocolate and sex help the body to release them. I don’t like sweets, but I need to be happy. Will you try another way with me?

I’ve decided to stay in shape and I’ve heard that sex is the best form of exercising. Will you be my coach?

The best morning for me is to wake up next to you feeling that you are horny.

There is only one thing in the world that was proved to wake me up better than coffee. It’s morning sex with you.

You share with me all joys in life: love, affection, care, attention and the most awesome sex I’ve ever had.

You are an ideal woman! You are a cold queen in public and in private, you become my little naughty girl.

You’re the best man on the planet! You are a gentleman, who holds my hand and the man, who pulls my hair.

Arousing you arouses me.

You can stay but your clothes must go.

Get naked. I have a plan.

If you kiss my neck, I’m not responsible for what happens next.

They told me to “do what I love,” and I love you.

If I were Nike and you were Mcdonald, I would be doing it and you would be loving it!

You’re not going to be able to move after I’m finished with you tonight.

Your heart is going to pulse with complete pleasure tonight.

Your lips got me addicted to sweets. Sex with you is like gold—you can never have enough.

You are sooo much more than sex to me… even still… with each amazing episode, it just gets better and better.

Do you want to have sex in bed or in the bath I just made you?

I bought you a new vibrator, so I can thrust and play with your softness at the same time.

Are you alone tonight? Want to play a hot game?

I tidied up the bedroom, but I don’t mind if you mess up the sheets with me.

You’re the embodiment of sexuality and sensuality.

I made a big mess today. I think you’ll have to give me a big spanking tonight…

Me and you in my bed and freaky stuff.

I just love feeling your body enjoying everything I do.

Girl, I like all freaky and nasty things we learn together. I want you to get on top of me and show me what you’ve learned.

I bake you some dessert, so you can eat it while I eat you.

If you were here right now, I would rip your clothes off and throw you onto my bed and have my way with you.

Do you care if my tongue is between your legs when you wake up in the morning?

Made you all wet, though… I just want to nail you against the wall as soon as you come home!

I want to do bad things with you.

Sometimes I get turned on just by seeing your name pop up on my phone.

I swear to you I won’t stop until your legs are shaking and the neighbors know my name.

I wanna sit on ya lap, give you kisses and call you daddy all day.

If we were alone I would… Smash. Kiss you. Cuddle. Chill. Eat.

“All I remember is that she had a lot of sex.”

“I know. She’s my hero,” Alaska said without a trace of irony.

They just don’t make sex look fun for women. The girl is just an object.

“I think she and I were talking about how much I adored skateboarding on the computer but how it would never even occur to me to try and step on a skateboard in real life, and then she said, ‘Let’s play Truth or Dare’ and then you fucked her.”
“Wait, you fucked her? In front of the Colonel?” Takumi cried.
“I didn’t fuck her.”
“Calm down, guys,” the Colonel said, throwing up his hands. “It’s a euphemism.”
“For what?” Takumi asked.
“Kissing.”

Just spend a few more months playing video games. That hand-eye coordination will come in handy when you get to third base.

Her hand just above my knee, the palm flat and soft against my jeans and her index finger making slow, lazy circles that crept toward the inside of my thigh, and with one layer between us, God I wanted her. And lying there, amid the tall, still grass and beneath the star-drunk sky, listening to the just-this-side-of-inaudible sound of her rhythmic breathing and the noisy silence of the bullfrogs, the grasshoppers, the distant cars rushing endlessly on I-65, I thought it might be a fine time to say the Three Little Words. And I steeled myself to say them as I stared up at that starriest night, convinced myself that she felt it, too, that her hand so alive and vivid against my leg was more than playful, and fuck Lara and fuck Jake because I do, Alaska Young, I do love you and what else matters but that.

French. Feel. Finger. Fuck.

Let’s make a deal: You figure out what the labyrinth is and how to get out of it, and I’ll get you laid.

Pretty good? Sure, and bufriedos are pretty good. Sex is pretty fun. The sun is pretty hot. Jesus, it says so much about love and brokenness — it’s perfect.

He loves weed like Alaska loves sex. This is a man who once constructed a bong using only the barrel of an air rifle, a ripe pear, and an eight-by-ten glossy photograph of Anna Kournikova. Not the brightest gem in the jewelry shop, but you’ve got to admire his single-minded dedication to drug abuse.

We were planning on going to Vegas. Go buy some Chevy and then Jimmy gets his legs ripped off and f*ck.

We didn’t have sex. We never got naked. I never touched her bare breast, and her hands never got lower than my hips. It didn’t matter. As she slept, I whispered, “I love you, Alaska Young.”

“You bitch,” I whispered, “I love you.” Then I came.

She was perfect, pure maddening sex, and she knew it, and she played on it, dripped it, and allowed you to suffer for it.

Jan was an excellent fuck…she had a tight pussy and she took it like it was a knife that was killing her.

‘Money is like sex,’ I said. ‘It seems much more important when you don’t have any…’
‘You talk like a writer,’ said Francois.

I feel like my life’s become Requiem For a Dream. And I have front row seat tickets to the ass to ass scene. Toby’s the dildo, and I’m both assholes…

I was saying that if I loved a woman, I’m supposed to lick her toes, ego, p***y, and eat her booty.

It wasn’t about the sex, it was the one that just gave him that spiritual connection, that metaphysical connection. When you love from the soul, it’s different.

I don’t gang bang but I’ll bang tha thang!

You’d sleep with anyone as long as they’re female.

Why give 100% when 35% will get you paid and laid.

I’m awesome and I fuck dolphins.

Did you know oysters are an aphrodisiac?

I so could have done that part. She doesn’t even have herpes.

All right, so let me get this straight. I’m gonna pay for a blow job, and I gotta pay for a goddamn hotel room too? That just seems like I’m spending too much money for nothing. I’ve got a house. You can just get over here. I can just do the blowjob here. And can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream? While I do you from behind.

A lot of people ask me, ‘Kenny Powers, you’re a giant star. You can get any woman. Have you ever paid for sex?’ And the answer is yes, I have. And it’s actually kinda cool. You can negotiate practically anything and sometimes, even just kind of do stuff in the moment that you never agreed to pay for and it goes by without much argument.

But, that’s not what I want. And I say f**k what these people want. I made a lot of mistakes on my return to super stardom. I screwed alotta pooches—I f*cked alotta folks. I labored for far too long for lesser men. I used my God given abilities to destroy men’s lives. I betrayed good people. I ruthlessly stepped upon the weak and the strong, I turned ’em into my slaves. Even the fiercest of warriors was nothing to me—powerless. I was absolutely terrible to everybody in my f*ckin’ life including everyone I worked with, everyone I lived with, my friends, my family. I was horrendous.

The Englishman can get along with sex quite perfectly so long as he can pretend that it isn’t sex but something else.

Her son? You came out of her vagina? I was all up in that shit last night!

Doing what? Giving Robocop a blowjob?

Does the Pope blow little kids?

That’s a toy that I made for [Toby]. It’s a fake T. rex with a dildo crammed up its asshole. It’s one of Toby’s favorites. When you turn it on… it moves. Dildo-saurus Rex, heh.

You know me, Guy. I’m always ready to bust a nut on this television audience.

God has taken a dump on my face. The love of my life doesn’t want to have sex with me ‘cause she’s marrying some smoothie eatin’ fairy.