Dad, what are you going? It’s ‘Shark Week’!

This is going to sound weird but, for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.

You better not go to sleep. As soon as your eyes shut, I’m gonna punch you square in the face.

I’m not gonna call him dad, not even if there’s a fire.

Listen, gang, don’t be mad at Dale for ruining the story… And possibly the evening.

Did we just become best friends?

You are wearing tuxedos to a job interview that requires you to clean bathrooms.

Alright, that is it! You guys leave me no choice! No television for a whole week!

I have a 39-year-old son named Brennan – who still lives at home with me!

Hey, you know, we don’t have to whisper anymore. Mom and Dad aren’t here.

Okay, I’m gonna save it with the solo.