Come here. Hey! Look at me. So I had a wife, beautiful, like you, who tells me I worry too much. Who tells me I

Very poor choice of words.

So in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?

No matter the situation, always wear a smile.

I am not someone who is loved. I’m an idea. A state of mind.

Yet we’re linked, you and I. Like comedy and tragedy. Two sides, same coin.

Now, I see the funny side. Now I’m always smiling.

You see, I’m not a monster. I’m just ahead of the curve.

This city deserves a better class of criminal. And I’m gonna give it to them.

We aren’t contractually tied down to rationality! There is no Sanity Clause!

If I weren’t insane, I couldn’t be so brilliant!

It’s all a joke! Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for … it’s all a monstrous, demented gag! So why can’t you see the funny

Do you know how I got these scars?

Where, oh where has my little Bat gone? Oh where, oh where can he be? His cowl, his scowl, his temper so foul. I do

You can’t kill me without becoming like me! I can’t kill you without losing the only human being who can keep up with me! Isn’t

I’m a man of simple taste. I like things such as gunpowder, dynamite and gasoline!

Ladies and Gentlemen! You’ve read about it in the papers! Now witness, before your very eyes, that most rare and tragic of nature’s mistakes! I

I can’t wait to show you my toys.

I’m gonna make this pencil disappear.

Are you seriously saying there is nothing, nothing special about our relationship?

Life’s a bowl of cherries and this is the pits.

If you actually let me finish a sentence, you might learn something! You might learn we’re not so different. You might even learn something about

Batman, darling.

You know, kids, a lot has changed while your old Uncle Joker’s been away. New Gotham, new rules, even a new Batman. But now I’m

Why be a disfigured outcast when I can be a notorious crime god? Why be an orphaned boy when you can be a superhero?

It’s true, Batsy! I know everything. And kinda like the kid who peeks at his Christmas presents, I must admit, it’s sadly anti-climactic. Behind all

Don’t go into the light, bats! It’s no fair! They won’t let me in!

I’m only laughing on the outside. My smile is just skin deep. If you could see inside, I’m really crying. You might join me for

You complete me.

Oh, Batman, if you had the guts for that kind of fun you would’ve done it years ago. I, on the other hand…

Let’s take a moment to reflect on the passing of a man who was more than just another do-gooder in tights. He was the best

Well look at the size of that cake, man!

Laugh it up now!

If the police expect to play against the Joker, they’d better be prepared to be dealt from the bottom of the deck!

The pen is truly mightier than the sword!

You had a bad day and everything changed. Why else would you dress up as a flying rat? You had a bad day, and it

Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg! The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Joker got away!

I’ve been using it as a journal, but also as a joke diary, if I have any thoughts or frustrations. I think I told you,

April sweet is coming in, let the feast of fools begin!

Nobody panics when things go ‘according to plan,’ even if the plan is horrifying.

Notice the hideously bloated sense of humanity’s importance. Also note the club-footed social conscience and the withered optimism. It’s certainly not for the squeamish, is

Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives.

If I weren’t crazy, I’d be insane!

Something like that happened to me, you know. I … I’m not exactly sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another

You can’t rely on anyone these days, you gotta do everything yourself, don’t we? That’s OK, I came prepared.

Forgive my laughter. I have a condition.

You see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are.

Faced with the inescapable fact that human existence is mad, random and pointless, one in eight of them crack up and go stark slavering buggo!

Comedy is subjective, Murray. Isn’t that what they say? All of you, the system that knows so much, you decide what’s right or wrong. The

By clinging to reality, you’re denying the reality of the situation.

A bit of advice…don’t ever apologize to no one for the way you look.

I have given a name to my pain, and it is Batman.

All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That’s how far the world is from where I am.

I took Gotham’s white knight and I brought him down to our level.

Oh, you. You just couldn’t let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

You can’t win anyway… You see, I hold the winning card!

Very neat! That ugly head of yours does have a brain!

And I thought my jokes were bad.

They could put me in a helicopter and fly me up into the air and line up the bodies head to toe on the ground

There’s plenty wrong with me. Take my blood, for example. I wish somebody would — this stuff is killing me!

And here we go!

Ladies and murderers, welcome to the big fight!

Madness is the emergency exit. You can just step outside, and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them

C’mon Bats, get crazy. It’s the only way to beat me!

I hope my death makes more cents than my life.

In my dream, the world had suffered a terrible disaster. A black haze shut out the sun, and the darkness was alive with the moans

I make art until someone dies. See? I am the world’s first fully functioning homicidal artist.

You think it all breaks down into symbolism and structures and hints and clues. No, Batman, that’s just Wikipedia.

If you have to explain a joke, there is no joke!

Do I look like I’m joking?

Over?! Why, my dear, delusional Dark Knight, it hasn’t even begun!

Yes, memory’s so treacherous. One moment, you’re lost in a carnival of delight: childhood aromas, the flashing neon of puberty, all that sentimental candy floss.

It’s a funny world we live in.

Laugh and the world laughs with you!

Parting is such sweet sorrow, dearest. Still, you can’t say we didn’t show you a good time. Enjoy yourself out there in the asylum. Just

One by one, they’ll hear my call. Then this wicked town, will follow my fall.

Hello Late-Show lovers…and lovers of the Late-Show!

Everybody just yells and screams at each other. Nobody’s civil anymore. Nobody thinks what it’s like to be the other guy.

Smile, because it confuses people. Smile, because it’s easier than explaining what is killing you inside.

As though we were made for each other…Beauty and the Beast. Of course, if anyone else calls you ‘beast,’ I’ll rip their lungs out.

Live…and in person! The Caliph of Clowns, the Grand Mogul of Mountebanks, the one and only Joker! Prerecorded for this time zone.

My mother always tells me to smile and put on a happy face. She told me I had a purpose to bring laughter and joy

I’m not mad at all. I’m just differently sane.

Can somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in, where a man dressed up as a bat gets all of my press?

I don’t care what happens to the world, and I don’t play nice with others!

Lady, you’re harder to kill than a cockroach on steroids!

Everybody’s telling me my standup is ready for the big clubs.

Here’s the cold, hard truth Bats… I don’t hate you ’cause I’m crazy… I’m crazy ’cause I hate you.

You think he’s really gonna fix your nasty case of Joker-itis? Not a chance. I’m chronic, Brucie. I’m lingering.

Devil is double is deuce, my dear doctor … and joker trumps deuce.

You get what you f**king deserve!

When you bring me out, can you introduce me as Joker?

Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can’t savor all the… little emotions…

The real joke is your stubborn, bone deep conviction that somehow, somewhere, all of this makes sense! That’s what cracks me up each time!

Haven’t you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?

Memories are what our reason is based upon. If we can’t face them, we deny reason itself!

I feel like I know you. I’ve been watching you forever.

Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I’m a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to

Those mob fools want you gone so they can get back to the way things were. But I know the truth: There’s no going back.

Kid, I’m the Joker. I don’t just randomly kill people. I kill people when it’s funny.

Do I look like the kind of clown that can start a movement?

For my whole life, I didn’t know if I even really existed. But I do, and people are starting to notice.

A man with nothing to fear is a man with nothing to love.

The worst part of having a mental illness is people expect you to behave as if you don’t.

His mask is his real face.

You actually believed that all it would take is a few chemicals, a couple of days in drug-induced isolation and a cheap little nervous breakdown

I’m not political. I’m just trying to make people laugh.

You look good. Been working out? You could probably use a little sun. Then again, who am I to talk?

All I have are negative thoughts.

You think men like Thomas Wayne ever think what it’s like to be someone like me? To be somebody but themselves? They don’t. They think

I always wanted to see my dame in lights. Heh. Even in a moment of abject saccharine, I still got it.

You really want to know what it feels like to be the clown at midnight? Where there’s only ever one joke and it’s always on

You’ll never be sad, and you’ll never be lonely. You’ll always have me to dance with.

Tell your men they work for me now! This is my city!

You know, you remind me of my father. I hated my father.

I’ll show you. When the chips are down, these… these civilized people, they’ll eat each other.

The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules.

You see, their morals, their code, it’s a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They’re only as good as the world allows

You are truly incorruptible, aren’t you? Huh? You won’t kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won’t kill you because you’re

Wait ’til they get a load of me.

You have nothing, nothing to threaten me with. Nothing to do with all your strength.

If you don’t like the movie, I’ve got slides.

A joke a day keeps the gloom away!

That’s not funny…

Is it just me or is it getting crazier out there?

You know, it only hurts when I laugh.

It’s funny. When I was a little boy and told people I was going to be a comedian, everyone laughed at me. Well, no one’s

Don’t test the monster in me!

Without Batman, crime has no punchline.

I’m crazy enough to take on Batman, but the IRS? Nooo, thank you!

Does it depress you to know just how alone you really are?

It’d be funny if it weren’t so pathetic.

It’s not about the money, it’s about sending a message. Everything burns!

Do you know how many times we’ve come close to world war three over a flock of geese on a computer screen? Do you know

To them, you’re just a freak, like me! They need you right now, but when they don’t, they’ll cast you out, like a leper!

I don’t know why everyone is so rude, I don’t know why you are; I don’t want anything from you.

Why don’t you just give me a call when you start taking things a little more seriously?

‎Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I’m an agent of chaos.

When they treat you like a joke, leave them like it’s funny.

Tell me something, my friend, have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

If you’re good at something, never do it for free.

I don’t know what it was that bent your life out of shape, but who knows? Maybe I’ve been there too. Maybe I can help.

As you know, madness is like gravity: All it takes is a little push.

When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was, I went crazy as a coot!

What doesn’t kill you simply makes you stranger!

Costume’s a bit theatrical, but hey, who am I to talk?

Have you heard this one? It’ll kill you, Batman!

Not clown — Joker.

I used to think my life was a tragedy, but now I realize it’s a comedy.

Wanna know how I got these scars? My father was…a drinker. And a fiend. And one night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets